Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
