the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
