I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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