i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
