can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
