Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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