I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
