can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
