I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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