So drunk its hurt
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
