my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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