he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
