i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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