Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
