Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
