yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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