where am i from again
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
