Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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