he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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