the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
