I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
