just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
