Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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