wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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