No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
