he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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