Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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