he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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