Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
