Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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