i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry about my life...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
