It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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