yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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