I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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