I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if only i could text you this smell
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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