Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
