i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
