He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
