im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
