I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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