What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
