She is in my trunk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
