this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
