do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
