help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need to stop coming to work sober
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
