Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
