Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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