Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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