my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
