butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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