woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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